Dumbest Press Release Of The Year To Date. Tour Operator Heidi.Com Asks “What Does Your Star-Sign Say About Your Ski Destination Preference?”
SIN regularly recieves press releases that suggest improbably biased and unreliable ways of picking a ski resort; in these digital days they tend towards adding instragram postings and multiplying by a factor determined the fees paid by the client who wants to top the list.
However today's prelease on behalf of tour operator Heidi.com takes us back to the dark ages using the 'cough' exact science that is astrology to help clients pick ski destinations.
It's to be hoped that there are no chickens close to their office as we can reasonably expect their next method for chosing a ski resort as involving the examination of chicken entrails, through a crystal ball whilst using a ouija board as a filter to ensure that the results are as objective as the Pyeongyang Times.
Ordinarily we'd avoid publishing patronising twaddle such as this, but as the PR's have hit a point so low that it requires tunnelling equipment be visible we thought we'd share. Those with an understanding of science which is beyond that of an 8 year old should free to circulate and mock.
Pull up a chair, sit down and laugh at heidi.com when they say:
"With just a few weeks away from the end of 2022 we’re starting to look towards the New Year and new adventures (especially snowy ones). Here are Heidi’s top picks for pairing ski resorts with your star sign, from their very own Mystic Marcus, founder of Heidi.com, mountain expert and very insightful personality predictor.
"Aries (March 21 - April 19) – Daredevil, Courageous & Energetic
"The first sign of the zodiac, Aries loves to be number one. They enjoy a challenge, so will always push themselves on the slopes – that person hurtling down at breakneck speed will be an Aries! They can ski all day and party all night! The best ski resorts for Aries have great ski and apres-ski alike.
"Aries will love Chamonix, where they can take on the Vallee Blanche by day, and hit the world-class après by night.
"Taurus (April 20 - May 20) – Warm-hearted, Placid, & Loving
"Taureans enjoy relaxing! They love massages and enjoy delicious food in serene, natural environments surrounded by soft sounds and relaxing aromas. They favour a ski resort with a fantastic luxury spa and world-renowned restaurants. Some may call them lazy hedonists, which is what a holiday is about; right?!
"Taurus signs will love Selva Val Gardena - incredible scenery of the dolomites, incredible food, and some excellent spa hotels.
"Gemini (May 21 - June 20) – Sociable, Fun-Loving & Lively
"Gemini’s are spontaneous, playful, and delightfully erratic! This air sign was interested in so many activities that it had to double itself, hence they are symbolised by twins. Yes, yes, they can be a bit chaotic, but boy can they ski well! Gemini’s like big ski resorts with lots to keep them busy on and off the slopes.
"Geminis will love Morzine - a huge ski area with over 6020km of piste, and a fun, year-round town with something for everyone.
"Cancer (June 21 - July 22) – Kind, Romantic & Creative
"Cancer is the fourth sign of the Zodiac. It is associated with family and home life. Cancerians enjoy warm cosy hot chocolates by a roaring fire while being surrounded by familiar faces of their friends and family. They like quieter resorts with home from home accommodation and traditional charm. They can be a bit moody but red wine normally works.
"Cancer signs will love: Les Carroz – a quiet, family-friendly resort with traditional chalets and log fires aplenty.
"Leo (July 23 - August 22) – Passionate, Enthusiastic & Lively
"Passionate, loyal, and infamously dramatic, Leo is represented by the lion. They love to be the centre of attention and are generous and warm-hearted. Leo loves the most Instagrammable ski resorts and great apres-ski. And are so into their snow sports they named a resort after them!
"Leos will love: Saalbach, it fits the bill perfectly, and shares the same area as the aptly named Leogang.
"Virgo (August 23 - September 22) – Reliable, Helpful & Modest
"This earth sign is a perfectionist and is always willing to improve skills through practice. Often the person who will take control of group bookings, so don’t be surprised if there is a spreadsheet involved of some kind! Virgo enjoy structured holidays, with lots of activities planned in advance. If you ask them a question, they’re unlikely to answer you but invariably direct you to consult the spreadsheet.
"Virgos will love: Zermatt – it has so many activities that there will be something new for each day of the holiday.
"Libra (September 23 - October 22) – Sociable, Romantic & Flirtatious
"Balance, harmony, and justice, along with shopping, chatting, and meeting like-minded skiers. Libras love skiing, shopping and apres-ski in equal measures so are best suited to a resort with an abundance of all three! Everyone loves a Libran (especially as their innate charm means they’re always buying everyone drinks and presents!)
"Librans will love Cortina d'Ampezzo, the place for the dolce vita: incredible skiing, sophisticated après and some of the best shopping in the Alps.
"Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) – Determined, Exciting & Passionate
"Scorpio is one of the most complicated, dynamic, and misunderstood signs of the zodiac. They are extremely emotional and crave intimacy. They want to be challenged on the slopes and want a close-knit ski resort to explore in the evening. They will thrill you with escapades of mid-air falls, generally caused by an argument with their partner on the ski lift. Never a dull moment with a scorpion!
"Scorpios will love Soldeu and its enormous ski area with something for everyone, and a small, compact village.
"Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) – Freedom-Loving, Optimistic & Dynamic
"This ninth and last fire sign of the Zodiac is associated with travel and expansion. Sagittarians are always on a quest for knowledge. They like to travel to new, unexplored places, so hidden gems in the ski world are great for them to uncover. Some say they can be foolhardy so if you’re new to skiing, a black run should definitely not be your first ski experience (even if a Sagittarian tells you they’re easy!)
"Sagittarians will love: Jasna in Slovakia, for some of the best off-piste skiing in Europe for those in the know. Great for families too!
"Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) – Practical, Ambitious & Humorous
"Capricorn loves nothing more than climbing the mountain straight to the top! Represented by the mountain goat who loves to climb to new heights, reach the summit of any challenge and achieve all ambitions. Capricorns enjoy improving their skills each year, so are best suited to resorts with a variety of challenging slopes and terrain on offer. They have been known to be a bit pessimistic so a nice vin chaud normally gets them back down the mountain, often in one piece.
"Capricorns will love St Anton for enough terrain to test all skiers, no matter their ability. The fun après will appeal to their sense of humour as well.
"Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) – Independent, Original & Honest
"Innovative, progressive, and revolutionary, Aquarius love nothing more than to explore new places. Aquarius is the most humanitarian of all the star signs and enjoy striving to make the world a better place. The best resorts for Aquarius are eco-friendly resorts or something a little quirkier than usual. They get on best with the Gemini twins (party animals) and Librans (who buy all the drinks) so frankly, they’re going to have a great time!
"Aquarians will love Serre Chevalier, an authentic ski resort, and one that is working hard to become the world leader in sustainable skiing.
"Pisces (February 19 - March 20) – Escapist, Imaginative & Romantic
"As the final sign, Pisces has learned every lesson — the joys and the pain, the hopes and the fears — learned by all of the other signs. They enjoy exploring new or emerging ski resorts to keep ahead of the trends. And, of course, the big new trend of this year will be to book a rather fabulous ski holiday with Heidi!
"Pisceans will love Baqueira-Beret in the Spanish Pyrenees, the best ski resort you've never thought of skiing.
"To explore any of these ski holiday destinations and find the right package for you, go to www.heidi.com"
No, don't, just don't
